I have been thinking lately about the nature of gifts. We all give gifts. We all receive them. We worry about what we give-and sometimes about what we get. What is this psychology of gifts? Better givers than receivers? Visa versa? Here is an incident that prompted these thoughts.
On Christmas eve I received an envelope. Inside was a bank check-no account holder's name, no information-anonymous. Accompanying it was a beautiful note, printed from a computer. Also anonymous. It said that the money ( a sizable amount) was from friends who cared about me. That it was not necessary to know who sent it. That it was a gift to me and my family to use as I liked. That Christmas was a time of giving for the joy of it. It was probably one of the most generous and amazing gifts I have ever gotten. For someone to give that amount of money and expect no "thank you" in return, no "points", no-nothing, was beyond my capacity to process. I cried most of the day. Part of it was the loneliness of the first Christmas without Jamie, who died 3 months before. But much of it was the conflicting emotions I was fighting. I was profoundly touched and grateful for this gift. But did I deserve it? I was beset with the need to thank-who? Who was this angel (or angels) who gave so generously with no need for reciprocation? And why did it inspire tremendous love and gratitude in me-but also anxiety?
2 things here: I clearly don't deserve it. But do any of us deserve any gift we get? And also, its a communication interuppted. There is something unsetteling about getting something and not being able to respond to the giver.
So I thank this kind person or persons in my prayers everyday, and remember, that they did it for my good-and I hope for theirs.
